But I didn’t. The conversation stopped just shy of going for the ask. Unlike many times in my past, the predominant reason was not fear. It was there, but it was a little leprechaun instead of a giant. My reasons were just reasons: “I’ve had a long day and I’m tired.” “I need to get up early tomorrow so I can get my workout in and start work early because I’m swamped.” Even the reality that I will soon be moving even farther away from this town factored in, which shouldn’t have swayed me so much because all that I really had in mind for the night was a beer and a conversation.
I set all that up to say that maybe I was too self-focused in my reasoning, which mostly revolved around the thought, “I don’t have time for this.”
No, I am not experiencing regret or shame about it, just a greater level of awareness. It’s the awareness that these sorts of social decisions affect the person I am talking with as much as they affect me. I must grasp the reality that being bold blesses other people, and if I’m going to overthink things, then that truth better weigh more heavily into the equation.