I was talking with a friend of mine about seeking God in the context of a romantic relationship. In the course of that, he told some of his story about the woman who is now his wife. At some point he said, “we prayed together”, and though he was not placing any special emphasis on that point, it was the only thing I heard. If it had been text on a page, everything else would have been dim and that would have been lit up. So, what did I do with that? I heard it, knew it was right, and said to myself, “yeah, I need to do that in my own relationship”.
And then I didn’t do it.
Why didn’t I do it, why didn’t I act urgently upon it? Because I didn’t realize what I had been given. Looking back, I quietly filed it away, not because I didn’t care, but because I didn’t realize what I had. I didn’t act urgently because I didn’t realize what I had. I was not being overtly rebellious, I was just acting out of an impoverished mindset not realizing the gifts God had put in my hands.
The change from belief to reality is not limited by God’s ability, but our perception. Truths can die when new revelation comes but old mindsets persist.
When you don’t realize what you have, you defer the hope until some later time. When Jesus went to Lazarus’ family after Lazarus had died, He told Martha that Lazarus will rise again. Martha replied, essentially, “Yeah, I know, He will rise again in the ressurection on the last day”, to which Jesus responded “I am the resurrection.”
Yeah, I know Lord, [insert rational theological response here].
Instead, Jesus said “I am the resurrection.” I am your timeline. I set the limits. I define the possibilities. The day and the details of the fulfillment are Mine, and they are not limited by what you think is possible, probable, or rational.
When you don’t realize what you have, you act poor and alone, and in Christ, we are not poor and alone. How shall we confirm His glory if we think and act poor and alone? I think the sincerest form of worship to God might be to somehow let Him know that His love is getting through to us, to let Him know that we feel loved by Him, to confirm to Him that what He has said and done is reaching and affecting our hearts.
“Today if you hear His voice don’t harden your hearts.”
(Hebrews 4:7/Psalm 95:7-8)
Just so you know, this story had a happy ending, even though it wasn’t fulfilled by me. Two days later, I had just returned home after a long day. I was thinking only of my own things. Walking from one end of my apartment to the other, I scrolled mindlessly through Facebook. As soon as I swiped passed some meme about the importance of couples praying together, my phone dinged with a text from her, saying that she wanted to do just that. Wow. Never had I felt like such an idiot, so thick-headed, so un-deserving, and yet, as we prayed that night, never before had I felt so redeemed, had I felt so tangibly the realities of mercy, and grace, and un-merited favor. I felt cared-for. She had my back and caught me when I fell, all because she stepped out in faith, according to her own immediate sense of conviction and calling. She acted urgently with what she had, and in one night it changed both of our lives.