This is less direct advice and more an honest reflection on my own dating life, largely for the edification of you single people out there.
– Currently, I’m trying to do what feels right for me, regardless of other people’s expectations and opinions. The thing that cheapens people’s opinions is that they don’t have to feel what you feel. You have to live with you. They don’t. It’s not easy to have an intuition that is hard to explain, and sticking to your guns anyway. Other than that, lately, I have not had a clear sense of direction in this area of my life, so I have largely set it aside to focus on areas that I do feel clearer direction about.
– Speaking of expectations, it takes some fortitude as a single person to not feel left out, or feel abnormal, when you see other people paired up.
– If I was as good at talking myself into approaching women as I have been about talking myself out of it, I’d be married by now. I have had this pattern of either totally locking up and chickening out, or talking myself out of it.
– A date can just be a date. Getting to know somebody better is not the same as a marriage proposal.
– I have a friend who was widowed. She was quite frank about the emotional struggles related to that, and once commented that, “It’s not about the lack of sex, it’s about not having somebody sitting on the couch with you.” Simply being single is not the same as being widowed or divorced, but to some degree I still get that sentiment; the desire for someone to put your arm around at the end of the day.
– Up until a couple months ago, I had a couple online dating profiles. That lasted from like January through August. It just really felt like a good idea at the time. Given my small-town environment, it seemed like the logical thing to do, but when I actually started doing it, I had a hard time getting into it. Maybe it wasn’t the right time, maybe it wasn’t the right person. It just didn’t feel right.
I am still not settled about it. One thing I am more confident about doing, however, is putting myself in situations where I can connect with more people. That feels right. These are situations where ‘organic networking’ (if I may use such a term) may occur. I am so much more compelled with the idea of something happening organically than I am shopping for someone online. I want to move faster in social settings. This is imperative. A chance meeting in a store or at an airport can come and go so fast, and I want to really utilize those times. Those otherwise fleeting moments are gold. I want the speed and courage to say yes and take hold, seizing the moment. This isn’t just for the romantic area of life. It effects business and God knows what else. These social skill sets apply to all situations.
See also: Yes